Chase Your Fear!

A couple nights ago I started reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. I actually received the book as a gift for being a first-time attender at River Valley Church. I've been utterly intrigued by the book since I started it-- don't let the title of the book fool you, this one will blow you away.

In the third chapter Batterson is teaching a new concept(at least to me): Unlearning Your Fears.He states that spiritual growth is half learning, understanding and grasping new knowledge and the other half is unlearning what you've already learned. ("Half of spiritual growth is learning what we don't know, the other half of spiritual growth is unlearning what we do know.") Initially the concept was a bit puzzling. But as he dug deeper into exposing the reason for unlearning he continued to talk about our fears. And I realized the word fear wasn't stimulating anything i am particularly fearful of. So I stopped and asked myself, "What am I afraid of? What do I fear?" And here's the blunt honesty. I thought of one thing-- I am deathly afraid of getting my heart broken.

I didn't always make the wisest choices in high school, especially where it came to guarding my heart. I was an innocent, sheltered, Christian teenage girl who wanted to prove my popularity by gaining the attention of any guy. And because I made that decision I lived with a lot of heart ache. I have a good share of painful memories from "relationships" gone wrong in high school. Somehow I always seemed to give my heart away to the lowest bidder and then just waited for it to be stepped on. (For which I promise I have personally taken responsibility for.) This track record though has taught me to fear.

A few years later, here I am, a much more mature Christian who is fighting to guard my heart. I have gone on a number of dates in the past couple years, none of which ended how one would wish. I've incurred some heart ache even since high school, and I continually ask the Lord why. Why, Lord? When I'm so careful who I talk to, how intentional I am with my conversation with guys, I've almost completely rid myself of one-on-one time with guys, I rarely flirt (if you're a high school friend reading this you may be scoffing, it is pretty miraculous, I'll give you that, but totally true), and I am constantly asking the Lord for discernment with every guy who asks me to go for coffee, but I still endure heart ache. Something that has boggled my mind.

But Mark Batterson brought my attention to this, he said, "The cure for the fear of failure is not success. It's failure. The cure for the fear of rejection is not acceptance. It's rejection. You've got to be exposed to small quantities of whatever you're afraid of. That's how you build up immunity." For me to find relief from my fear of heart break the Lord has given me ample opportunity to experience the distaste of heart ache, and to therefore use said experiences to learn and condition myself to respond differently.

We don't taste what we're afraid of because God's wrath is upon us, or we have sinned an unforgettable sin, or we have asked for one-too-many things from the Lord (all of which are lies from the devil and you need to know right now not to let them penetrate your thoughts). We taste what we're afraid of because our God is a loving father who knows we will miss the greatness in store when we continue to run from our fear-- recognizing it is there, and making decisions based on not wanting to encounter those fears.

Is it irrational for me to not want to date/become close to someone of the opposite sex for fear of heart break, no maybe not irrational. But will I therefore run from the man the Lord has promised me-in His perfect and precise timing- if my decisions are driven by my fear? Personally, I'm not willing to be controlled by my fear, and I'm certainly not willing to miss out on the man the Lord desires for my life. So my prayer?

"Jesus, teach me to run after my fear! Continue to give me opportunities to be obedient to Your discernment in my heart. May I not be controlled by my fear, but be moved and guided according to Your presence, and Your Holy Spirit dwelling in me as your temple. Lord, where I am weak be my strength! Continue to reveal what fears are controlling me so those too can be surrendered and submitted to you so I have no other master than you--not even fear."

Chase your fears dear friends! Run after them with the Lord holding your hand! He's ready to break them down with you! Deuteronomy 20:4 "For the Lord your God is He who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory."